Dreamweaver

Did you ever dream you were back in high school and couldn’t (a) find your locker, (b) remember your locker combination, (c) remember what class you were supposed to be in or (d) all of the above?

I have had that dream multiple times in the many years since graduating from high school, although not for awhile. Last night I had a new variation on that dream. I dreamed I was back in college – and it really was my alma mater (mostly) – and had left my class schedule at home. I remembered the first class and made it there on time. The other classes were sort of a blur; I could vaguely remember which building to go to but not which room – and the building was only a guess. So, I’d wander into a building and stop by each classroom to see if there was any indication that it was the class I should be attending.

I tried getting my class schedule from the administration building – a complete dream building as it didn’t exist on my campus and it had a teeny tiny door that I had to squeeze through and almost got stuck (just to add to the stress of the dream). Unfortunately, the computers were all down so they couldn’t give me my class schedule. So, it was back to wandering the halls of various buildings trying to find which class I should go to.

It was a stressful dream and I was happy to wake from it. Although, I don’t think it was more stressful than the dream from the night before in which I kept “waking” only to discover I was still dreaming. Oh, and my boyfriend turned into a zombie and tried to eat my hand. Why is that one more stressful? Because a zombie invasion is a lot more likely than me going back to college.

More snow

It's October. It's supposed to be a time of watching the leaves change, carving pumpkins, watching cheesy zombie movies as Halloween approaches. It's not supposed to be a time of shoveling snow and missing work because of a blizzard.

We got hit by a major snowstorm yesterday. A snow day is always cause for a celebration. But, lots of people lost power and the heavy snow brought down tree branches.

A bunch of pictures of the snow and its consequences can be seen here: www.gazette.com/gallery.php?gallery=37#/.

Luckily, I didn’t lose power and was able to do some work from home, as well as enjoy a day of toasty fires, blankets and homemade soup.

Bury me not on the lone prairie

Funerals suck. I understand they represent some kind of closure for many people. And religious people view them as a passage (or some such). But they suck. What is the morbid fascination with looking at a dead body? I firmly believe we move on from that body when the heart and brain stop. I'm not sure where we go from there but what's left is a shell and honoring the shell just feels wrong to me. There's also the fact that I never feel like the body laying there looks they way the person would have wanted to be remembered.

I go to funerals for the family and or friends of the deceased but I really don't think the dearly departed cares if I'm there or not. Honoring someone's memory with a song or by planting a tree or some other private gesture seems more meaningful to me.

I'd like to be cremated and scattered at the top of a mountain or in a forest. But don't stick me in the ground in a box to rot. And no leaving me on the mantle in a fancy urn. Throw a party, drink a toast to me, have a good cry (I expect that) and then remember all the good times. That seems like the perfect way to say goodbye.

Still snowing

Seven hours of snow and it's still coming down.

Say it isn't snow!

It's snowing. The experts - I mean "experts" - say we'll have a mild winter due to El Nino. Yet, here we are less than a month into autumn and we're getting a pretty significant snowfall. I can only hope this means the mountains are getting a truly significant snowfall and my ski and physical therapy investments will pay off.

I spent most of the afternoon tooling around town in someone else's brand new Rav4. At first I was worried that something might happen and someone might run into me. At first. Then I stopped worrying and just enjoyed the new car and the snow coming down. Now that I'm off the road, I like the snow a lot more. If I never had to drive in it, if I only had to ski in it and sit by a fire and watch it fall, I'd love the snow.

Here is a photo of the backyard this evening. You can still see grass through the snow but isn't it pretty?

Maybe the experts are right and we will have a mild winter. Autumn I'm not so sure about.

Overheard at work

White woman in her mid-30s, to co-worker: "For reals?"

October is breast cancer awareness month

My mom is a 6-plus-year survivor of breast cancer. Because of her fight to overcome cancer, I feel I owe it to her to keep myself healthy, do self exams and get mammograms. We all have our personal causes. No soapbox here. I just want you to know that October is breast cancer awareness month. So, take a few minutes to know the facts (www.breastcancer.org) and, if you know a survivor, give her a hug.

Overheard

While having blood drawn: "I won’t believe (evolution) is true until a monkey walks out of the jungle and asks for a job."

Doc, it hurts … an update

The doctor diagnosed me as having Patellofemoral Syndrome – which isn’t nearly as sexy as it sounds. It means my knee cap is out of alignment. If you look it up on the internet, you’ll find it is sometimes known as “secretary’s knee” or “housemaid’s knee.” Nice. But, it turns out that it’s not an old-person’s disease but rather something that happens to active people. So, eat right, exercise, die anyway.

There is also medial collateral and lateral laxity, which means my knee ligaments are too stretchy side to side. Knees apparently are only supposed to bend one way.

The good news for me was that the doctor didn’t use the words “surgery” or “MRI.” I really don’t want to be stuck in a tube or have to “go under the knife.” Instead, I’ll be seeing a physical therapist. And, she recommended putting orthotics in my shoes. I can do that.

So, I’ll live to ski again – in case you were worried about me.

It hurts when I do this

Remember the old joke about the guy who goes to his doctor? “Doc,” he says, “It hurts when I do this.” The doctor replies, “Well, don’t do that.”

It’s a lousy joke but I’m thinking about it because I’m seeing the doctor today for my sore knee. It hurts when I squat or kneel or wear high heels for an extended period of time or if I put weight on it the wrong way. So, “don’t do that” isn’t really an option. And, because I bought skis this year, not being able to squat or twist is also not an option.

I don’t know what I did to my knee. It’s an old injury – from when I was about 12. I don’t know what I did to it then either. I was running around outside with my cousin all day and I was fine. The next day, I stepped down off a stool and my knee went POP. Ick. I spent a day in the ER with the doctor finally saying he thought I tore a cartilage and putting me in a cast for four weeks … in the middle of summer … in central Illinois. It was an awful summer. Years later while playing sports in high school I went to a sports medicine doctor who told me my chart said I may have cracked my kneecap. Ick.

Since then I have kept up with exercise and weight lifting and have only had minor aches in that knee. But recently it has been giving me trouble. Blame age but it started quite suddenly and has been getting better and worse with no real connection to my activity level. So, with ski season approaching, I’m going to see the doctor. I expect X-rays and possibly an MRI. Let’s hope she doesn’t just say, “Don’t do that.”

Blog, blog, blog

Blog – it’s an ugly made-up word. Microsoft Word doesn’t like it and neither do I. But I use it. “I have a blog,” I tell people (and by people I mean those of you actually reading this). Much is made of people getting in trouble for their blogs – people getting fired for talking about work or posting pictures of themselves in their uniforms. Stories abound regarding bloggers being passed over for positions because of what they’ve written online.

So, I try to be careful with what I say online, mainly sticking with (what I hope are) humorous anecdotes and observations. And, when I do talk about work it’s just to say what I’m working on at any given time. My goal is to keep in touch with some of you and (hopefully) amuse you in the process.

Plus, I’m kind of an attention whore and want to know that people care what I have to say – or should I say want to believe that people care what I have to say. I’m not making my private journal public or ragging about my boss (who I love, by the way). I’m just blogging along.

I’m going to stop saying blog. Right now. I really do hate the word. In fact, I hate most made up words, with the exception of ginormous and craptacular. Those are good ones. And, I hate when people use a noun as a verb – like task, as in “I’ve been tasked with gathering the data for the blog.” Ugh.

Putting two words together to form a new compound word is ok – such as pisswit or dipshit. It’s always important to be creative when using curse words. We don’t want our cussing to get stale.

To sum up: Blog – no. Craptacular – yes. Task is a noun – you can be assigned a task but not tasked with an assignment.

Who you gonna call?

I was flipping through the channels the other night when I stopped at The Discovery Channel to watch a few minutes of a program called “A Haunting.” They were talking about The Lake Club in Springfield, Illinois. This program “recreates” the haunting with actors but also interviews the real people involved.

A woman comes on the screen and I think, “That looks like Aunt Minnie – but fatter.” Then they go back to the “recreation” and talk about “Barbara” seeing the ghost. It starts to add up. I use the handy dandy rewind feature on my fake Tivo and pause it to look at the woman again. It’s not my Aunt Minnie but it is my aunt – my Aunt Barb! I never heard them mention her last name but she did work at the Lake Club in Springfield. I know because she found a little dog there and named her LC. It was definitely my aunt. All I could think was, “I wonder if the producers of this program know she’s schizophrenic.”

Schizophrenia is not funny and I shouldn't make light – because I worry it runs in the family and it'll happen to me. But we did laugh (possibly so we wouldn’t cry) when my aunt was convinced that my deceased grandfather spoke to her through the TV and that she was a CIA agent with the secret code name Steel Magnolia. So, seeing ghosts seems pretty par for the course.

I haven’t seen this aunt in probably eight or nine years – and only briefly then. It was really weird to see her on TV.

Baby boom

Seems like there’s an epidemic of pregnancies lately. Look at all the celebrities having kids. Two women I know at work recently gave birth and there are four more who have recently announced their pregnancies. I have two friends outside of work who are expected and one friend who will be a grandmother soon. I’m not sure if the influx of buns in the oven makes me want to have a baby more or less. I’d hate for it to look like I was just hopping on the bandwagon. And what name could I give my little bundle of joy that isn’t wildly popular or just plain crazy?

Sometimes I can see myself doing the mom thing – taking Jr. to school, soccer practice, piano lessons; attending PTA meetings; baking birthday cakes. Other times I see myself as the mom that drinks too much and causes her kid to need years of therapy. I don’t think anyone has all the answers to raising kids. It’s hit or miss. And no matter how great a job you do, your kid can still end up a drug addict or serial killer.

I just know I’d end up with a girly girl – me, the lifelong tomboy – and not know how to shop for her or even act around her. I can handle a tomboy – or a boy – or a super smart (not smart ass) kid. But what would I do with a little glamour girl who wants to wear dresses all the time and is into makeup and fashion?

It’s scary thinking whether or not I should be a mom. With all the pregnant ladies around, until I make up my mind, I’m sticking with bottled water.

Maybe terrorists control the weather

I had to fly on September 11 this year and it made me a bit nervous because I thought, what self-respecting terrorist wouldn’t want to make a statement on the fifth anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center? Apparently, only Mother Nature decided to cause a ruckus this 9/11.

My flight out of Champaign, Illinois was delayed an hour, just long enough for me to miss my connecting flight by a matter of minutes – a flight that must have been the only non-delayed flight out of Chicago all day. I spent the next hour and a half running from one end of O’Hare to another, (at least I got some exercise) trying to get booked on a new flight. Someone had the bright idea to try send me to Las Vegas to get me back to Colorado Springs at 3 a.m. However, if the flight to Vegas was delayed even a few minutes, I’d be stranded … again. Besides that, I couldn’t find the gate for America West to even get on that flight. I was tired, irritable and just wanted to get home. All I could think about was “The Terminal” with Tom Hanks. I wanted to cry.

I finally was able to get on a flight to Denver that had been delayed two hours. The passengers originally booked on that flight were grumbling about the delay but I was ecstatic. My boyfriend could drive up and get me and I’d be home by 1 a.m. No sleeping on a cot in the airport for me! I popped a couple of Dramamine and sat back to enjoy the ride.

My luggage, though, is still stranded at O’Hare International Airport, waiting for a direct flight later today. All the delays were weather related and just inconvenient. All night I dreamt I was still on the plane. Today, I’m tired and irritable, but I’m home and I can stop thinking about annoying moments in the career of Tom Hanks.

Leaving on a jet plane

Tomorrow I take off for a weekend trip to Champaign-Urbana, Illinois. Woo hoo. Am I an international jet setter, or what?

Preparing for the flight, I checked out the TSA Web site (http://www.tsa.gov) to see the list of permitted/prohibited items. Check it out. It’s interesting to think someone actually would have to ask if it’s ok to carry on a saber or spear gun. Why can you carry on KY Jelly but not toothpaste? Why exactly do they think you’re going to need personal lubricant but not fresh breath? And, you can carry on a cigar cutter but you can’t smoke on the plane.

So, it looks like I’ll have to check my throwing stars and cattle prod. But thank goodness I’ll be able to carry on my personal lubricant and Toy Transformer Robot.

After the boys of summer have gone

Labor Day marks the unofficial end of summer. Pools close. Schools are back in session. For someone who works 40 hours a week, 12 months out of the year, Labor Day doesn't usually mean a whole lot.

This year, the few days before Labor Day were cool, very cool for summer -- low to mid 60s -- and we had some rain. So it really does feel as if summer is drawing to a close. We spent most of the long weekend doing work around the house -- nesting, I suppose. But the big event of the weekend was buying my very first pair of skis.

Over the last couple of years I've been feeling more confident about my skiing abilities and even tackled some moguls last year at Monarch Mountain (in a snowstorm, no less). This year, I decided to take the plunge and invest in my own equipment. At the end of the last ski season, I bought my own boots. We tried them out at Copper Mountain. And, much to my dismay, I ended up with numb feet. I spent two days on the mountain loosening and tightening my boots -- loose on the lifts, tight on the slopes. When I got back, I returned to the store for some help fitting the boots. Turns out they were two sizes too big. The guys at Colorado Ski and Golf set me up with new boots without charging me anything extra.

They price matched a set of Callaway clubs for me last summer, so I try to go back to them for ski or golf stuff and yes, I recommend them if you need anything. I got a pair of Volkl skis and bindings. I'll go back later for poles and to have the bindings mounted. I also need new long underwear and new ski pants this year. Let's hope global warming can hold off for a few more years for me.

Ok, summer's over. Bring on the snow!

I don’t want a new car

A lady rear ended me this week. I was sitting at a red light, enjoying a perfect afternoon, listening to the radio, when BAM! I’m hit from behind. I look in my rearview mirror and see an older (not elderly) lady fiddling with her radio and then suddenly looking around confused.

I get out of my car. “What the hell?!” She gets out of hers looking even more confused.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “The car just rolled forward.”

It must have “rolled forward” rather quickly to create the impact it did. I look at my Jeep. Nothing. Maybe a little white paint on the bottom of my bumper from her car. But no major damage. I look at her car – an Infinti sedan of some sort. Her hood is crumpled up like a used Kleenex.

“What a junky little car,” she laughs. Then asks, “Are you okay?” I’m fine and by this point laughing. I suspect she may have had a few cocktails at lunch. “As long as you’re ok. Bye!” and she gets back in her car. I drive away keeping a close eye on her in my rearview mirror.

I can only imagine what damage she would have caused if I was driving one of the new cars I’m eyeing – and how pissed I’d be. Instead I drive away, shaking my head in wonder at her flip attitude toward smashing up her (expensive) car. Scary.

I guess my Jeep takes a beating pretty well but I doubt it’s that safe in a rollover or side-impact collision. But I hate to think of the dents and bruises my new car is going to endure in this city.

Can you retrofit airbags onto a ’93 Jeep Cherokee?

Family affair

My dad turns 70 this year. His birthday is September 12 and I'm flying home the weekend before. That means I'll be flying on September 11 -- the five-year anniversary of 9/11. I'm not sure if that's really significant or not in light of what happened in London this month. Security is already heightened so it should be as safe a day as any other, if not more so. But to ease my own security-check experience, I plan to check almost everything and carry on the bare minimum. I thought about skipping the trip but, over the past six years I've missed family events I wish I hadn't.

I wasn't there when my dad had a stroke. I wasn't there when my mom got a clean bill of health after fighting breast cancer. I wasn't there for holidays, birthdays or my parents' 45th wedding anniversary. I think I can suffer through a little (a lot?) extra security to be there to help my dad celebrate his 70th birthday. He's done a lot for me over the years. It's the least I can do.

Besides he makes my brothers crazy every other day of the year so I have to put in my time with him.

Overheard at work

"I sometimes get diarrhea so bad it makes me weak."

Do these people think cubicle walls are soundproof or do they just not care who hears this kind of thing?

Hi. My name is Pammeey and I’m a geek.

Friday night the Sci Fi channel aired the 200th episode of Stargate SG-1 and I was there. At first it appeared that it was going to be a clip show – imagine my disappointment. But, no, the “clips” weren’t actually from past shows. They were new footage made to look like clips, including in-jokes to past Stargate episodes as well as references to other sci fi franchises. The best one was an “obscure” reference which ended up being a nod to Farscape, with Claudia Black reprising her Aeryn Sun character, Ben Browder playing Stark, Christopher Judge as D’Argo, Amanda Tapping playing the part of Chiana and Michael Shanks in the role of Crichton.

To top it all off, Richard Dean Anderson showed up as General Jack O’Neill after many references to him not appearing.

It was awesome.

Can’t someone help me? Please?